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Suffice it to say that I am an ardent particularist. What this means is that I like to look at the particulars (Duh!). So for example, I like the deep furrows on a withered tree trunk, the jet black curly hair of a woman walking past me, the swing of a very short skirt on the behind of a girl in front of me, the sunflower like irises in my husband's blue pupils, the soft and gentle curves of his body, the shape of a pebble that skirts off the tyres of a truck at a construction site, the toc-toc-toc of the table tennis ball on the table, the feel of a full mango fruit in the palm of your hand, a bowl of translucent, red, pomegranate seeds, the speckled sunlight on a patch of grass under a tree, the deep yearning for someone you care about and love, the deep sense of grief when you have to forget someone you love, the mixture of white steamed rice and pink oleander petals strewn on the cold dark stone tile of the temple, the smell of a decaying banana leaf, the pungent smell of a raw mango just fallen from the tree, the clang of utensils and the clamour of sundry voices and stray dogs infused with the smell of boiling tea as India wakes to life every morning, and so on...

Friday, November 26, 2010

Walking Through the Wall of Depression

Once, when I was buried in darkness,
I walked.
I walked till I saw
the sunshine,
the yellow daffodils
on the green grass,
waves of summer wild flowers,
the pleasure of an orgasm,
the catharsis of spicy Thai curry sauce,
the melody of the Scottish harp.

I breathed. I became alive.

I walked till I hit
the brick wall.
So high I could not see
the sky.
It rapidly encircled me in catatonic darkness,
Entombing. Catacombing. Immobilizing.

Now, years since,
I have scaled the wall
To see the sky and the sun.
But now, my limbs are worn down
to the bones.
Flames lick my still gaping, burning wounds.
I am a hollow shell of my former self.

I see the sky and the sun,
The yellow daffodils on the grass,
The waves of wild flowers and
the exciting Thai curry sauce.
But I am so tired.
So worn out.
So stunned.
So numb.
Now, I breathe so I may sleep.
And sleep.
And sleep.
And sleep.
Yet NOW, I MUST walk.
I NEED to walk to live.
But I sleep. And sleep. And sleep...

-- GST

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